Saturday, August 22, 2009

It's Another Day

I've been planning a lot for Vance's birth and memorial. I've met with the palliative care team at MUSC. They are the Dr's who coordinate "not doing anything" as I like to call it. They say their job is to make him comfortable and help make sure our wishes are met. It makes me cry to have to talk to them. One of them said the word die and I thought I would just hearing them say that while talking about my baby. I wrote out a birth plan a couple weeks ago and finalised what I wanted to say earlier this week. I'll post it later in case anyone is interested. I had to send it so they could make it part of my record in case we went earlier than expected. They talk to me about things I don't want to think about. At my appointment this week we were scheduling my c section and they were telling me not to wait to late because risk of still birth. Then right after that we were talking about testing the do to prevent still birth which they normally wouldn't do for me. Seems like a contradiction does it not? Again making me angry that they think it's ok just to not care anymore. I looked straight at the dr and said no I want the tests. The whole reason I am doing this is to hold my son alive at least one time.