Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Helping The Bereaved

The list below has been compiled from the hearts of the bereaved parents of Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. Here are some thoughts and ideas of what to say and/or do for a grieving parent and family...
  • Please don't tell me you know how I feel, because you don't, unless you too, have also experienced the death of a child. And if you have, please share your story with me, and be patient as I share mine. ~ Cheryl Haggard, Maddux's mommy
  • The most helpful thing people said to my wife and me during that time was, "You're in our prayers." Knowing that we were in the hearts and prayers of friends, family, and even strangers, was one of the few comforts we felt. ~Damon Fecitt, Aidan's daddy
  • Please send us a card, so we know that you are thinking of us and that we are in your prayers.
  • If we have other children, please remember them, also. They are grieving, too. Offer to take them on an outing, because we still can't face the reality that "life goes on."
  • Offer to come over to throw a load of laundry in the wash, or other light duty house work.
  • If you think about giving us a call or stopping over for a visit.... don't think about it, just do it. I can't tell you how many people I've had come up to me and say, "I wanted to call you or stop by but...." ~ Tammy Becker, Chase's mommy
  • Please do not tell me that my baby is in a better place, how could anywhere be better than in my arms.~ Estrella Estrada, Anthony's mommy
  • As much as you may want to comfort a family member or friend and make the tears stop, unfortunately there is nothing that can be said or done. Just being there for us, and letting us know you are thinking about us, not wanting to run away when we shed our tears truly means a lot. This is a difficult task to ask of you, but it also lets us know that you care. ~ Tammy Becker, Chase's mommy
Although most people have nothing but the best of intentions, some comments do hurt. Please remember our loss, and speak words that do not sting. Our parents have graciously compiled a list of insensitive comments so you may have a better understanding:
  • Today I spoke to a friend and told her I was having a really rough week... her response... "Yeah, my week has been really tough also . I have been so busy." And I am scheduled to go back to work soon, so today she asked how I was enjoying my last few days of my vacation!??!?!! Does this look like I have been having a vacation? Is grief a vacation? If so, I never want anyone to go on "vacation" again! ~ Mandy Sheridan, Jake's mommy
  • A pregnant customer of mine asked me if I was "Still taking pictures after all that happened with my daughter?" I said yes. She simply said..."Oh, by the way...that reminds me, I need to make an appointment to get portraits taken of my daughter when she is born in August." ~ Sarah O'Neal, Teegan's mommy
  • After a friend returned from her grandmother's funeral she told me, "There's no way I'm going to be buried when I die. I don't want a bunch of worms and bugs crawling through my eyes! Did you know you can be buried above ground?" She was at my daughter, Emma's funeral and knows that we had her buried.~ Julie Bigge, Emma Kate's mommy
  • I was showing Maddux's DVD to someone who was helping us file papers with the IRS for the organization. We were eating breakfast, and he put his fork down for just a minute, wiped a tear from his eye and said..."I can see how you could get so attached. I do alot of work with orphaned animals, and when we lose a little critter, I feel the same way..." ~Cheryl Haggard, Maddux's mommy
  • I wish that people would not say to bereaved parents "You are young, you can still have more children." How do they know that? Some may be unable to have more, their babies death may have been caused by something genetic, or the parents may have spent years and years and thousands of dollars to conceive this baby....No matter the reason or even if we are able to have more children....understand that no child will EVER replace the one I lost...~Lindzy Foster, Kadence's mommy

1 comment:

  1. We are so sorry for the struggles you are having. You and little Vance are in our prayers. I know we are far away, but let us know if there is anything we can do to help you through this difficult time. We love you and think of you often.

    Marc and Taunia Stewart